Saturday Query: Who cares about the why behind good deeds if people are helped?

I think I’m starting a new tradition here: every Saturday, I’ll offer up a query to reflect on—a question that’s been working on me as much as I’m working on it. Today’s query is one I’ve carried for a long time…

I’ve often felt that good deeds should be encouraged no matter their source—whether they arise from pride or from love. After all, the world is hungry for good deeds, for more beneficent co-creation. Churches often draw people in with punch and pie; why not let pride feed the poor? Why worry so much about the motivation, if the outcome helps?

But then I return to Matthew 6:1, where Jesus warns:

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.”

This has stirred the following query in me:

If deeds aren’t rewarded—and if some Christian sects emphasize belief in Jesus in a strictly dualistic way, without cultivating Christ-consciousness or spiritual transformation—how do we encourage others to co-create a world based on love and contribution if pride is not allowed?

When salvation is reduced to a declaration, what happens to discipleship? What happens to compassion?

I feel this tension in my gut when I see cruelty justified with Scripture. When someone loudly proclaims Jesus as their Savior and, in the next breath, speaks with scorn about the poor, the immigrant, the vulnerable. When faith becomes a badge instead of a practice.

Among Friends (Quakers), we’re wary of creeds and performative declarations. We believe truth is lived—not proclaimed. But even in our unprogrammed spaces, we’re not immune to the broader culture, where religion often becomes about identity over transformation.

So how do we keep our integrity when the line between faith and performance gets blurry?

Let’s tease this apart:

1. Good Deeds vs. Self-Righteousness

Doing good is undeniably valuable. But problems arise when good deeds become currency for ego, superiority, or social leverage. At that point, the deed becomes instrumental—it’s no longer about care or justice but about status. When good works are used to elevate ourselves, we distort the moral ecosystem. Instead of community, we get competition. Instead of connection, resentment.

That doesn’t mean we stop doing good deeds. It means we check our compass while we do them.

2. Social Character and the Imitation of Virtue

You might say: isn’t it good when people are inspired by each other’s actions? And yes—it absolutely is. Social modeling is powerful. Seeing others act generously can spark something in us.

But if the system begins to reward visibility over sincerity, we risk building a “virtue economy” where what matters is being seen doing good, not being good. Think of the influencer who films themselves giving food to a stranger. The act may still help someone—but sincerity erodes when performance takes over.

That’s why spiritual traditions emphasize humility—not to suppress action, but to protect it from hollowing out. To keep the heart aligned with the hand.

3. Jealousy and Teaching Resilience

Let’s be clear: goodness is not some elite club. It’s not gated off. Anyone can step into it. Feed someone. Show up. Tell the truth. Earnestly Try. This is also where I disagree with the gospel which I still feel that it lets people off the hook to easily, encourages them to no co-create our existence in the name of love and hands off that responsibility to our government. One must think and one must do, lest they become slaves to another’s vision — and I mean this in a communal way not in an individualistic way.

So why do people sometimes feel excluded or humiliated in the face of someone else’s goodness?

Because conviction stings when you know you’re doing the bare minimum, and stung people will accuse anybody of virtue signaling despite whatever motivates the good deed.

And we live in a culture that constantly lowers the bar. Where effort beyond what’s required is seen as showing off. Where apathy is normalized and responsibility is outsourced. Where the smallest gesture is praised as heroic, and anything more is suspect—“performative,” “too much,” “holier than thou.”

But that’s not a problem with goodness. That’s a problem with how we teach people to view it.

When we bend over backwards to avoid “alienating” people who aren’t contributing, we risk confusing kindness with enabling. Love with codependence. We turn moral clarity into moral muteness.

We shouldn’t gatekeep goodness—but we also shouldn’t pretend that doing nothing is neutral. It isn’t. In a burning world, neutrality props up the flames.

So the question isn’t how to dim the light so no one feels bad. The question is how to turn up the light so others can see where they’re going—and invite them to walk beside us. But, I don’t know how to do this without appealing to their ego or pleasure center. I don’t know how to do this without telling it slant, covering it with sugary little lies — I don’t know what to do?? How to get people to do good for goodness sake without promising them everlasting life — Because what is that if selfishness which is about pride, believing your life matters over others; otherwise why would you need personal promises?

We need more people doing good because it’s good—not just to be seen, but not just in secret either. Boldly, visibly, and invitationally. Not to boast, but to build. Not to shame, but to model.

Not everyone will follow. That’s not your fault. But, I ask; who cares if it’s my fault or not? this is not about me, it’s about creating a heaven on earth, which could be so easily attained if only — people tried, just a little

But some will. And that matters.

The goal isn’t to suppress excellence, but to hold it with grace. To inspire, not to dominate.

As Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13:4:

“Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”

Real goodness carries its own quiet gravity.

So where does this leave us?

Chat GPT says: In short: good deeds matter. But character matters more. Deeds are the fruit—but the root is found in humility, love, and the courage to act whether or not anyone sees.

But, I am not satisfied this conclusion because I am happy to recruit an army of prideful do-gooders if it means solving some very urgent social issues. I don’t mind someone being proud that they chose to start a b-corp over a corporation. Put that shit on your about page with a pretty picture of yourself, I don’t care — you go girl!

And this brings me back to my original query. In a world where some faiths emphasize salvation over transformation, how do we encourage one another to co-create a more loving, just world?

Chat GPT says: Maybe the answer isn’t more argument—but more clarity. More rootedness. More testimony, not just in word, but in the witness of our lives. What the fluff in fluff in fluff?

Chat GPT says: Among Friends, we don’t fear hell. We don’t believe in transactional grace. But we do believe in living truthfully. In letting our lives speak. So I ask again—of myself and thou (thanks for the plainspeak lol)

What kind of world are we co-creating with our daily choices? Yes, that is my question lol?

(I am clearly not done with this Query, or maybe I just need to give it up to Hevel — I am sure I will come back to it, look for edits, leave a comment, lets work on this together.